MASTERING THE DIFFICULT

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IS YOUR HAPPINESS EVEN POSSIBLE?

Happiness is not a place you arrive at—it’s the way you move through the world.
—Margaret Lee Run

If you’re honest, it can feel like happiness is out of style.

Turn on the news, scroll your phone, or skim a morning headline, and you’re immediately surrounded by everything that’s going wrong. Tragedy shouts louder than kindness. Conflict spreads faster than compassion. Even in arenas meant to celebrate success—sports, business, achievement—the spotlight often lands on scandal instead of triumph.

It’s no wonder happiness can start to feel distant… even unrealistic.

You might catch yourself thinking: How am I supposed to feel joyful in a world like this?

And yet, that question reveals something important.

Because despite everything, you still want happiness.

The Illusion of “Someday”

Many people live with a quiet belief: real life hasn’t started yet.

It’s just around the corner—after the next obstacle, the next responsibility, the next problem solved. There’s always something in the way. Something to finish. Something to fix.

Alfred Souza captured it perfectly: we spend years waiting for life to begin… only to realize those obstacles were our life all along.

And that realization changes everything.

Because if life isn’t waiting somewhere ahead—then happiness isn’t either.

A World That Has More… Yet Feels Less

We live in an age of incredible advancement. Technology has promised us convenience, freedom, and more time than ever before.

And yet many people feel more rushed, more anxious, and more overwhelmed than any generation before them.

We’ve gained speed—but lost stillness.
We’ve gained access—but lost connection.
We’ve gained more—but somehow feel less.

So again the question rises: Is happiness even realistic? Or is it just wishful thinking?

The Truth About Happiness

Happiness isn’t optional—it’s fundamental.

You were born wired to seek it. To move toward joy. To avoid pain. It’s part of your design.

But here’s the shift most people miss:

Happiness doesn’t appear when the world improves.
It appears when you decide to create it—despite the world.

Opportunities for happiness aren’t rare. They’re everywhere. Quiet. Subtle. Often overlooked.

The real challenge isn’t finding happiness—it’s recognizing it… and choosing it.

The Ripple Effect

Happiness was never meant to be hoarded.

It spreads.

When you bring light into someone else’s life, you don’t lose it—you multiply it. As James Barrie said, those who bring sunshine to others cannot keep it from themselves.

Imagine if happiness became intentional—not accidental.

If people chose it, shared it, prioritized it.

Not as a fleeting emotion, but as a way of living.

It would move outward—from you, to your home, to your community, and beyond—like a ripple that never stops expanding.

Is That Idealistic?

Maybe.

History shows us that even our best intentions fade. Movements rise, inspire, and eventually give way to old habits—self-interest, distraction, complacency.

So yes, we may stumble. We may drift. We may repeat old patterns.

But not forever.

Progress doesn’t require perfection—it requires persistence.

The Balance of Being Human

Here’s another truth we often resist:

Happiness cannot exist without its opposite.

Joy means something because we’ve known sorrow. Love matters because loss is possible.

A world without pain wouldn’t feel like paradise—it would feel empty.

You weren’t meant to live in constant euphoria. You were meant to experience the full range of life—the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

The goal isn’t to eliminate unhappiness.

It’s to balance it with deeper, richer joy.

The Courage to Seek It Anyway

Would you avoid love just to escape heartbreak?

Would you stop searching for truth because lies exist?

Would you give up on courage because fear is present?

Of course not.

So why abandon happiness simply because it’s sometimes buried beneath struggle?

Happiness isn’t handed to you—it’s discovered. Unearthed. Chosen.

Again and again.

Becoming Your Higher Self

Your real purpose isn’t to chase a perfect life.

It’s to become someone who can create peace within an imperfect one.

That’s what it means to grow into your Higher Self—not to eliminate stress, but to rise above it. Not to control the world, but to master your response to it.

When you reach that place, something shifts:

You stop being pulled into every storm…
Because you’ve become the calm at the center of it.

And from that calm, something powerful emerges—

A steady, grounded, resilient kind of happiness.

Not loud. Not fragile. But real.

And once it’s real…

It doesn’t just stay with you.

It flows through everything you do.

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HOW CAN I STOP GETTING SO UPSET?

Why do I get so easily upset about everything?

It’s a question that feels personal, almost confessional—yet it touches something universal. At some point, we all notice how quickly our mood can shift, how a small inconvenience can spark a disproportionate reaction, or how a passing comment can linger far longer than it should. And when that happens, we often assume the world is the problem.

But what if it isn’t?

Centuries ago, René Descartes offered a deceptively simple insight: “I think, therefore I am.” With just five words, he placed thought at the very center of human existence. Much later, James Allen deepened that idea: “As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” Together, they reveal something both empowering and unsettling—our inner world doesn’t just reflect our lives; it shapes them.

If that’s true, then an obvious question arises: if our thoughts hold such power, why don’t we simply choose better ones? Why don’t we “flip the switch” and decide to be calm, content, and happy?

The answer is both simple and difficult: we don’t fully believe it’s that simple.

We tend to distrust solutions that feel too easy. We assume happiness must be earned through struggle, or that peace requires circumstances to align perfectly. So instead of exercising control over our thoughts, we surrender to them—especially the negative ones. Doubt creeps in. Fear follows. And before long, we’re reacting to life rather than shaping it.

At the heart of this lies a powerful truth: our capacity for happiness is rooted in our expectations of it.

There’s an old saying: “The person who believes they can is probably right—and so is the person who believes they can’t.” This isn’t just clever wordplay; it’s a reflection of how perception defines reality. When we label a situation as “bad,” our minds go to work proving that judgment correct. We notice every flaw, every inconvenience, every frustration. The experience becomes exactly what we expected it to be.

But when we approach the same situation with a sense of control—even if that control exists only in how we respond—something shifts. The event may not change, but our experience of it does. Calm replaces chaos. Clarity replaces confusion.

In this sense, happiness and control are closely intertwined. Not control over the world—that’s often beyond us—but control over how we interpret and respond to it.

The philosopher John Stuart Mill understood this well when he wrote that meaningful improvement in human life requires a transformation in our modes of thought. In other words, lasting change doesn’t begin “out there”—it begins within.

An event, by itself, carries no emotional weight. It is neutral. It is our interpretation—our immediate, often unconscious reaction—that assigns meaning to it. That meaning then fuels our emotions: anger, anxiety, resentment, or, alternatively, acceptance, resilience, and even peace.

This doesn’t mean we can control everything that happens to us. We can’t. Life will always present moments of uncertainty, disappointment, and challenge. But we can control the lens through which we view those moments—and that makes all the difference.

Stress, at its core, is not just about what happens to us. It’s about our resistance to what happens. It arises when we refuse to adapt, when we cling to how things should be rather than accepting how they are. The tension we feel is often the gap between expectation and reality.

And here’s the paradox: the very thing we resist—adjusting our perspective—is the key to overcoming the problem.

We don’t lack the ability to manage our reactions. What we often lack is the trust that we can.

Yet the evidence is there, quietly present in every moment we choose patience over anger, understanding over judgment, or calm over chaos. Each time we do, we prove to ourselves that our thoughts are not fixed—they are tools. And like any tool, they can be used skillfully or carelessly.

So the next time you find yourself getting upset “too easily,” pause and ask a different question—not “What’s wrong with the world?” but “What am I telling myself about this moment?”

Because in that answer lies your power.

And perhaps, your peace.

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HOW CAN I AVOID DIFFICULTIES?

When was the last time you felt truly in command of your life—like the world was moving with you instead of against you? A day when obstacles didn’t intimidate you, but simply lined up, waiting to be handled. A day when your actions felt deliberate, your direction clear, and your purpose undeniable.

Chances are, that kind of day feels distant—or maybe even imaginary.

If we’re honest, most of us aren’t living in that space of clarity and control. Instead, life often feels like a constant balancing act—juggling responsibilities, reacting to surprises, and trying to stay afloat amid a flood of demands. Some days go smoothly, sure. But many leave us scrambling, wondering why so much feels out of our hands.

And yet, this isn’t a flaw in how we’re living—it’s the nature of life itself.

Life doesn’t pause. It doesn’t ask permission. It doesn’t wait until we’re ready.

One moment, you forget your umbrella and get caught in the rain. The next, something bigger hits: a job loss, a diagnosis, a relationship unraveling. But just as unpredictably, life can lift you up—a promotion, a new child, an unexpected windfall. Good or bad, life arrives unannounced, often overwhelming, and always demanding a response.

Some of what happens to us is beyond our control. Some of it, if we’re honest, we create ourselves. But all of it requires us to respond.

And that’s where things begin to unravel.

When we resist what happens, we create turmoil. When we’re unprepared, we feel confusion. When events don’t fit into our beliefs or values, we lose our sense of balance. Deep down, we crave a different reality—one without uncertainty, without pain, without difficult choices. We want guarantees: stability, security, happiness.

But that’s the dream—not the deal.

The tension we feel—the thing we call stress—comes from this gap between what is and what we wish would be. At its core, stress is simply the demand to adapt. And when we don’t adapt, we amplify the chaos. One unresolved challenge leads to another and before long we’re caught in a cycle that feels impossible to escape.

What makes this even harder is that life today is more complex than ever. Imagine our ancestors facing danger: a predator appears, and the choice is immediate—fight or run. Simple. Urgent. Clear.

Now compare that to modern life.

Today, our decisions rarely come with such clarity. Instead of two options, we face dozens—each layered with consequences. Leave a toxic relationship? Stay and try to fix it? What about the children, finances, reputation, promises made? Face an illness? Now you’re weighing treatments, insurance, career impact, family responsibilities.

There is no simple “fight or flight” anymore. There’s only navigation through uncertainty.

And yet, there is a way to regain a sense of control—not by eliminating life’s chaos, but by changing how we meet it.

Every life is filled with stress, from the trivial to the life-altering. But when you know who you are—when your values are clear and your purpose is defined—those stressors begin to lose their power. They don’t disappear, but they become manageable. Understandable. Even meaningful.

Clarity is the anchor.

When you have a strong sense of self, a grounded belief system, and a clear direction, life’s challenges stop feeling like random attacks. Instead, they become situations to navigate—problems to solve with intention.

Control doesn’t come from controlling everything. It comes from taking responsibility for how you respond.

And that’s the shift.

When you commit to purposeful action—when you choose to respond instead of react you begin to reclaim your power. Over time, with practice and persistence, something remarkable happens: the chaos doesn’t disappear, but you stop being ruled by it.

You become steady in the storm.

And maybe that “perfect day” you’ve been searching for isn’t a day without problems—but a day where, no matter what happens, you know you can handle it.

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ARE YOU STUCK IN A RUT?

Do you ever feel uninspired… like you’re stuck in the same routine, watching life move forward while you stand still?

If that feeling sounds familiar, it usually comes down to one of two things:
1. You don’t really know what you want.
2. You know what you want—but it’s not important enough for you to act on.

Let’s start with the first one.

Know What Truly Matters to You

You must know what you want out of life. If you honestly have no idea, it may mean you haven’t taken the time to think about what you truly value.

But most of us do value something—our relationships, our purpose, our achievements, our growth. These values represent our deepest hopes, aspirations, and expectations for our lives. Take some quiet time to reflect and write them down. If thinking about them stirs strong emotions, you’re probably uncovering something meaningful.

Decide If It Matters Enough to Act

Knowing what you want isn’t enough. You must decide if it’s important enough to take action.

What you value most will never magically appear. Life doesn’t owe us anything. If we want something meaningful, we must claim ownership of our lives and pursue it. 

In the end, the quality of your life reflects the effort you invest in it.

The choice is simple: live fully—or let life drift by.

So Why Do We Get Stuck?

Even when we know what matters, it’s surprisingly easy to get sidetracked. Here are some common reasons people stay stuck—and what to reflect on if they sound familiar.

You Don’t Have a Plan
Once you know where you want to go, you need a roadmap. Living in the present is powerful—but first you must decide what kind of future you’re building. Create a clear path and commit to following it.

You Keep Waiting for “Tomorrow”
Procrastination quietly drains motivation. If you keep telling yourself you’ll start when the timing is perfect, you may never begin. The truth is simple: the right time is almost always now.

You’re Too Comfortable
Growth requires change and change often feels uncomfortable. Leaving your comfort zone may feel like a loss at first—but it’s usually the doorway to progress, confidence, and renewal.

You Don’t Believe in Yourself
Self-doubt is powerful sabotage. If you don’t believe you’re capable or deserving of shaping your life, you’ll hold yourself back before you even start. The words you repeat to yourself become the reality you live. Choose them wisely.

You’re Surrounded by the Wrong Influences
The people around you shape your thinking more than you realize. If you’re surrounded by negativity or low expectations, it can quietly limit your own ambitions. Seek out people who inspire you—role models, mentors, and friends who challenge you to grow.

You Confuse “Busy” with Productive
Working nonstop doesn’t always mean you’re moving forward. It’s easy to stay busy responding to daily demands while neglecting what truly matters. Ask yourself: Am I making progress, or just staying occupied?

You’re Not Taking Care of Yourself
Endless screen time, poor sleep, lack of exercise, and unhealthy habits can slowly drain your energy and potential. When you neglect your well-being, you’re also neglecting your ability to grow and achieve more.

You’ve Lost Your Passion
Passion fuels purpose. Somewhere inside you is something that excites you—something that sparks curiosity, joy, or meaning. It may be buried under years of routine, but it’s still there. When you rediscover it, you’ll find a renewed sense of direction.

Start Fresh Today

You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to resent the direction your life has taken.

A new beginning can start today.

It begins with a decision: to think differently, to act intentionally, and to believe that change is possible. The biggest barrier isn’t circumstance—it’s mindset.

Change your thinking, and you’ll begin changing your life.

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IS THERE HOPE FOR OUR FUTURE?

AN ALARMING PREDICTION

Human society appears to be moving down a dangerous path—and doing so with unsettling speed. As a global community, we are gradually losing something essential: a shared sense of purpose. When individuals live without purpose, the collective loses its direction as well. The consequences are not isolated; they are shared by all of us.

This raises a troubling question: Are we approaching a turning point in human history? If our post-industrial, hyper-connected world continues to value commercial success and personal gratification above compassion, generosity, and meaningful purpose, we may ultimately face the outcome we are unconsciously choosing. A civilization that forgets why it exists risks losing the very right to continue. It is a difficult thought—perhaps even an uncomfortable one—but the signs of this possibility are increasingly visible around us.

We now live in a culture often driven by greed, immediacy, and weakening values. The moral awareness that once guided communities—our belief in something larger than ourselves—has faded in many places. We work longer and harder than ever, yet often find ourselves with little more than growing debt and possessions that lose their value almost as soon as we acquire them.

We educate our children, yet worry about their declining ability to reason deeply or engage with ideas. The front porches where neighbors once gathered to talk have disappeared from our lives; instead, we retreat indoors to interact with glowing screens and electronic distractions.

We damage the natural world in pursuit of profit and then express shock when the consequences arrive—when fisheries collapse, coastlines erode, and once-quiet parks overflow with crowds. We celebrate technology almost like a new religion, only to discover that the machines we created are replacing the very jobs we depend on.

Scientific knowledge about ourselves has grown dramatically, yet many of our cities continue to decay from within. Instead of reading, creating, or exploring ideas, we increasingly consume endless streams of entertainment. Video games and devices often occupy our children more than conversations do, and we later wonder why meaningful communication seems so difficult. We invest more resources in prisons than in universities, and then struggle to understand why crime persists.

In many ways, we have become a society of contradictions—a culture full of paradoxes. Despite remarkable advances in technology, medicine, science, and government, our deepest problems remain unresolved. We still search for peace, fulfillment, and happiness, yet these goals seem as distant as ever.

The reason may be simpler than we want to admit. Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten how to love deeply, to give freely, to share generously, and to live for causes greater than our own comfort. Purpose has shrunk to the boundaries of personal satisfaction. Sacrifice for something higher—community, humanity, or future generations—has become rare.

And the greatest victims of this shift may be our children. The world they inherit could be far different from the one we hoped to leave them. In pursuing the convenience and gratification of today, we risk squandering the values and purpose that once sustained our culture.

Time is not unlimited. But neither is hope lost.

There is still time to change our direction—if we choose to rediscover purpose, responsibility, and our commitment to something greater than ourselves.

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WHY DO WE FEAR STRESS?

Why Do We Fear Stress?

We hear it all the time: stress is bad for you.
It causes heart attacks, ulcers, migraines, broken marriages, addiction, and short tempers with our kids. We’re told stress weakens our immune system and slowly wears our bodies down. With a reputation like that, it’s no wonder stress feels like the enemy.

But what if stress itself isn’t the real problem?

The truth is, stress isn’t good or bad on its own. What really matters is how we see it and respond to it. Stress is actually one of the main reasons humans survived long enough to be here today. Without it, our ancestors wouldn’t have reacted fast enough to danger—and we’d never have made it past the saber-toothed tiger stage.

Stress pushes us to adapt. It motivates us, sharpens our focus, and sometimes even inspires us. The problem starts when stress stops helping us and starts controlling us. To understand that difference, we need to know what stress really is and how it works in our lives.

Two Kinds of Stress

There are two basic types of stress:

  • Distress – the harmful kind
  • Eustress – the helpful kind

Distress is the stress that makes us anxious, confused, tense, and sick. It’s the kind that keeps us awake at night and ties our stomachs in knots.

Eustress, on the other hand, is the stress that gets us moving. It’s what pushes us to take on new challenges, make changes, and grow. It’s the excitement before a big opportunity or the pressure that motivates us to improve our lives.

The key difference?
Distress happens to us. Eustress happens because of us.

When stress feels overwhelming, we feel trapped and powerless. When stress feels productive, we feel capable and in control. Which one we experience depends almost entirely on how we react to what life throws at us.

It’s Not the Event — It’s the Meaning We Give It

Imagine a prehistoric beast charging at you. You could see it as a disaster waiting to happen—or as a chance to use that shiny new spear you just got. Same event, completely different mindset.

The same thing applies today. If your boss treats you unfairly, you can shrink back in fear and dread going to work, or you can update your résumé and look for a healthier environment. One response leads to distress; the other creates eustress.

Distress corners us and convinces us there’s no way out.
Eustress opens doors and helps us look for solutions.

The difference comes down to self-worth, confidence, and belief in our ability to handle life. When we treat stress as a chance to improve or change direction, we’re saying, “I know who I am, and I trust myself.”

Learning to Respond Instead of React

Most of us wouldn’t say we love stress—and that’s okay. Some people thrive on public speaking or extreme sports; others find those ideas terrifying. The same event can feel thrilling to one person and unbearable to another.

That’s because stress isn’t about what happens.
It’s about how we’re wired to think about what happens.

The good news? We can re-wire that thinking.

When we face a stressful situation, we usually have three options:

1. Face It (Fight)

Facing a problem head-on takes confidence. It means accepting the situation and choosing to deal with it directly. It’s not always easy, but taking action often reduces stress instead of increasing it. This is the “handle it now so it doesn’t come back later” approach.

2. Avoid It (Flight)

Sometimes avoidance feels safer, but it rarely solves anything long-term. Avoiding stress usually means postponing it. The problem doesn’t disappear—it just waits. Avoidance often comes from self-doubt and leads to more anxiety down the road.

3. Change It (Adapt)

This is often the smartest option. Changing how we deal with a stressful situation allows us to think creatively and find new solutions. If we can’t fight it and can’t run from it, we might be able to work around it—by adjusting expectations, finding alternatives, or asking for help.

Control Reduces Stress

Most modern stressors don’t allow simple fight-or-flight responses. We can’t punch traffic jams or run away from bills. Instead, we’re forced to think, adapt, and problem-solve.

That may seem harder at first, but it gives us something incredibly important: control.

Take a daily traffic jam. You can yell at other drivers (fight), stay home (avoid), or take control by finding a new route, adjusting your schedule, or using the time to listen to audiobooks or music you enjoy. Only the last option actually improves your experience.

Stress feels worst when we believe we have no control. When events control us, we feel helpless—and helplessness is the true root of stress.

Why Stress Can Actually Be a Good Thing

Stress forces us to choose, act, and grow. Without challenges, we wouldn’t develop strength, confidence, or resilience. Without obstacles, success wouldn’t feel rewarding.

Stress shows us where we need to change, recommit, or take responsibility for our lives. It pushes us to become more capable, more aware, and more fully alive.

That’s why, in a strange way, stress deserves our appreciation. It’s not here to destroy us—it’s here to shape us.

Why Do I Get Upset So Easily?

A famous philosopher once said, “I think, therefore I am.” Another later added, “As a person thinks, so they become” These ideas point to a powerful truth: our thoughts shape our reality.

If happiness were just a switch we could flip, why don’t we do it? The answer is simple—we don’t believe it’s possible. We distrust solutions that seem too easy.

But here’s the truth: our happiness depends largely on our expectations. If we believe a situation is bad, it will feel bad. If we believe we have no control, we feel anxious and overwhelmed. If we believe we can influence the outcome, we feel calmer and more confident.

Happiness, at its core, is the feeling of being in control.

Events themselves don’t create stress—our reactions do. We may not be able to change everything that happens to us, but we can always change how we interpret it and respond to it.

Stress is simply a demand to adapt. We suffer when we resist that adaptation instead of trusting ourselves to handle it.

The more responsibility we take for our responses—and the more committed we are to shaping our outcomes—the less power stress has over us.

In the end, stress isn’t the enemy.
Losing control is.

And the moment we take control back—through our thoughts, attitudes, and choices—stress becomes a tool instead of a threat.

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MASTERING GOALS: TOP TIPS

Following is a short list of common hints of wisdom for goal (target) achievement:

  •  Write down your goals (along with your Purpose Statement) and carry them with you.
  • Be precise in setting your goals; know exactly what you want and how you will get  there.
  •  Don’t allow the difficulty of the task to prevent you from beginning; just get started, see where you are and keep your perspectives clear.
  •  Break up your long-term goals into shorter ones; this will keep you motivated as you  progress.
  •  Keep your eye on the bull’s eye of your target, not the wall behind it.
  •  Learn to delegate; elicit the help of others to assist you along the way.
  •  Set your priorities; there is a logical sequence to getting anything accomplished.
  •  Keep attentive and focused; don’t let distractions send you into new directions.
  •  Practice mentally rehearsing what it will feel like when you have accomplished your tasks.
  •  When encountering difficult obstacles, back off and consider other avenues to your destination.
  •  Analyze the feedback of your interim progress toward a goal; Learn from your achievements.
  •  Keep an inventory of your skills, talents and resources; Upgrade them continuously.
  •  Congratulate and reward yourself for incremental successes along the way.
  •  Become a master list maker; Keep organized and enjoy checking off things you have done.
  •  Understand the mechanics of planning and the proper execution of your plans.
  • Combine tasks whenever possible; Try to kill two birds with one stone to economize your efforts.
  •  Recognize your biorhythms for efficiency; know your best time of the day to be productive.
  •  Work smart, not hard; don’t think of quantity of effort, think of quality of effort.
  •  Never procrastinate without a valid and unavoidable reason.
  •  Secure a mentor, partner or coach to support your progress and to be accountable to.
  •  Keep a sense of humor; Laugh at yourself when you stumble and quickly get on your feet again.
  •  Remember that your Purpose is behind everything that you do.
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THE HIGHER LIFE – 25 PRINCIPLES

Live Higher 11x14 jpgLife mastery is not difficult once we believe in its possibility and also desire to achieve it. Following are my top 25 principles for living a higher life and I hope you find them to be a helpful guide:

  1. Worry Less – Laugh More

  2. Sit Less – Move More

  3. Analyze Less – Feel More

  4. Text Less – Talk More

  5. Work Less – Volunteer More

  6. Complicate Less – Simplify More

  7. Rest Less – Sleep More

  8. Conceal Less – Discover More

  9. Discriminate Less – Understand More

  10. Complain Less – Appreciate More

  11. Consume Less – Give More

  12. Waste Less – Save More

  13. Think Less – Act More

  14. Abuse Less – Support More

  15. Eat Less – Taste More

  16. Critique Less – Love More

  17. Follow Less – Lead More

  18. Amuse Less – Learn More

  19. Blame Less – Value More

  20. Control Less – Flow More

  21. Doubt Less -Trust More

  22. Hesitate Less – Risk More

  23. Watch Less – Read More

  24. Resist Less – Accept More

  25. Plead Less – Pray More

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DESIGN YOUR OWN LIFE

Time Out jpg

Most of us avoid the task of life planning because we feel that it is  not in our control, that our environment has more control over us than we have over it. Or we feel that it may involve risks, risks that could lead to disappointment or failure. Or we’d rather not ask the tough questions because we don’t welcome a forced analysis of our lives.

No doubt, this is a difficult process. But unfortunately, if we don’t plan to live our own life, then somebody else or our external environment will do it for us. We should ask ourselves if our life is something we want to give up so easily. We must revere the sanctity of our life and vigorously protect the right to plan our future as we choose.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. It will go on, with or without us. We do have the choice to make it as meaningful and as purposeful as we choose it to be. Planning our lives and then living our lives according to that plan should not be an option. We really have no other choice if we want to realize the life that we deserve and expect.  Let’s take some time to make that happen.

 

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CREATING A NEW REALITY

Expressions-11All of life transformation and self-renewal is embodied in the process of relieving the tension between the reality we have now and the reality we aspire to. For instance, if we are overweight, we feel the tension between our current self-image and a projected self-image. If we are not happy in our job or career, our anxiety tells us that something needs to be done about it. If we are feeling tired and physically unfit, we sense the need to exercise, sleep more and improve our diet.

In virtually every aspect of our lives, there is a perceived gap between where we are and where we want to be. This gap is a void we must fill to make life more significant and meaningful. If we let the gap widen, we feel more tension and frustration. By not attempting to close the gap, we are passively allowing life to happen to us. But by taking action to bridge the realities of what we have versus what we want, we are taking charge and making life happen.

This process of closing the gap brings our behavior in alignment with our purpose and our values. By knowing what we are here for and what is most important to us we gain clarity of our current reality. We can see exactly what is missing, what expectations are not being met, and we will become compelled to take action and redraft our future reality. We can then literally make our life what we want it to be!

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SYNERGY FOR WORK-LIFE BALANCE

Our Purpose, our Values, and our Behavior must all work together in balance, congruently with each other. Applying this paradigm to our lives requires us to view the total picture. We cannot be successful if we focus only on one component of our lives while forsaking another. Our Behavior must be congruent with our Values, but our Values must be congruent with each other. They are all interdependent, each working synergistically with the other. It’s not either/or, it’s and.

The universal nature of balance works in our life mysteriously and subliminally. Because of natural laws, equilibrium will always find itself, whether we are talking about the planets, the weather or even the forces that work within our minds and bodies. If we do not approach our life’s balance from a holistic perspective, then our life will ultimately seek its own balance, sometimes with serious consequences.

Fortunately, we are given ample opportunities to live a balanced life before nature does it for us. We receive numerous warning signs when we ignore the laws of balance. We will know when our life is out of kilter because of the stress and anxiety we generate within ourselves. We will feel the effects on our health, our relationships or even our careers when we are overemphasizing one aspect of our life at the expense of another. The key for us is to recognize these incongruities and correct them before they have to correct themselves.  Our opportunity is to be in charge, fixing the problem before natural laws do it for us . . .  As they always will!

 

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FIND YOUR SUCCESS PARTNER

Most of us can recall those times when we succeeded due to the impact of a mentor, a guidance counselor or perhaps an understanding spouse who was by our side as we undertook some personal endeavor. But we can also recall those instances where we endeavored to go forth alone and then gave up because we lacked the direction and support we needed. We found ourselves stuck in a place we didn’t belong but also didn’t have the encouragement or advice to get ourselves unstuck.

Imagine having a supportive partner in those situations where we lacked the resources, both mental and emotional, to stay on the right path.  Recent research has shown that simply stating goals are largely ineffective, writing them down had only slightly better results, but having a partner proved by far the highest success rate in goal achievement.

Examples of this working partnership could include: job hunting or changing careers, learning a new skill, writing a novel, becoming a better speaker or listener, starting a business or planning retirement, getting out of debt, dealing with a difficult workplace issue, breaking a bad habit or making a significant lifestyle change.

The list is endless of possible scenarios where having a trusted partner on your side would have made all the difference. Going it alone is certainly an option, but consider how well that has worked for you in the past. If you truly want to stay the course this time and ensure your success it is okay to admit that you could use some serious help.  Find your trusted partner who will support you and you will have much greater success in making it happen.

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THE POWER OF PERSEVERANCE

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To achieve what we most desire requires us to make giant leaps of faith in ourselves. This requires confidence in our beliefs and the courage to take the first step.  Having resolute courage combined with deep enthusiasm and supreme self-confidence will make us virtually unstoppable.

Our obstacles will become illusions if we then choose to never give up.  And if we happen to fail along the way, we should treat it as our sustenance for continual and recommitted effort. If we then remain determined to go boldly and steadfastly no challenge will be able to withstand this onslaught.

Having a clear Purpose is the catalyst for the courage, perseverance and self-confidence we need and it will give us the inner conviction to stay the course. Maintaining a clear Vision of where we want to go in life will give us the strength to never give up when the going gets difficult.

This is the only blueprint for making everything we want in life a reality. It is our choice as to whether or not we will have the courage and the perseverance to realize it.

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BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Purpose Image 1We need to trust and believe in ourselves. As our actions are dictated by our thoughts, we must diligently and relentlessly pursue a positive, can-do attitude. If we find ourselves accepting anything less, we are holding nobody back but ourselves. To sustain positive self-beliefs, we should only use affirmative, action statements in describing ourselves: I AM ENERGETIC! I AM POWERFUL! I AM A GENIUS! I AM SUCCESSFUL! I AM UNSTOPPABLE!  We should never let negative verbiage enter our self-vocabulary when we can just as easily use more assertive words to define who we are. It is a waste of time for us to not believe in ourselves. If we are not going for more in life, then we will always be going for less. For us to get what we want from life, we must first want it; then we must go for it. In fact, we should never say that we want something and not go for it.

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MANAGING A WORRY

When we choose not to take action against events that create stress in our life, we will have adopted a self-belief of powerlessness. This inaction on our part leads to anxiety, a mental state of worrying about an event, even to the point that we no longer know what we are worrying about. This worrying or feeling anxious literally shuts down our sense of control and responsibility over the perceived event. When this occurs, we really have only one solution: We must turn the worry into a problem! Once we have reframed the worry into a problem, then we have something tangible to deal with.

By re-identifying our worry as a rational and specific problem, we can literally launch an attack against it. This modifies our original self-belief of powerlessness to one of control and responsibility. Thus, we will fix the source of our worry through developing a proactive plan of action. We will feel in control again, most likely eliminating or diminishing the worry  to manageable proportions. At the very least, we will have turned our negative psychic energy into a purposeful attitude of control, which, in turn, bolsters our commitment and inner strength to overcome the problem.

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SELF-ACTUALIZATION

If we take life’s events at face value, assume that they are our destiny and agonize over their presence, then we will have succumbed to a future that we no longer control. If, however, we adopt the attitude that life’s events are merely occurrences, that they deserve no more importance than what we ascribe to them, then we can become the master and life becomes our servant. Thus, self-realization is not just the identification of our most inner needs and expectations but rather their reflection in the way we feel about ourselves and in how we choose to approach life. Essentially, our Self becomes actualized through our thoughts, our self-beliefs and our actions, all of which are based upon a passionate Purpose-driven attitude.

We must recognize that we are not simply a Self, some amorphous thing that sits on a shelf in a dark corner of the room, complete in its own essence. Our Self is a living, breathing, learning, acting, doing, thinking human being. Our Self moves through life, facing continuous stimulation that requires continuous responses. It survives and prospers by coming out of the dark, out of its basic shell, and then charging into the brightness of each day, participating with great Purpose and Vision. The choice we must make is whether to let our Self turn into a Shawish-type tired, selfish clod with grievances that the world is not making us happy, or a Self  that passionately realizes what it is, what it wants and what it is going to do. Taking the higher road ultimately leads us to our Higher Self, where we never have to regret the choices that we made – because they were the choices we meant to make.

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REMOVE YOUR PSYCHO-BABBLE

We can easily recall those many instances where we felt an overload in our lives. We felt helpless trying to manage all of our self-created obligations as well as those that were imposed on us by outside forces. Over time, we became exhausted and our psychic energy was depleted. Left unattended, we will eventually experience anxiety in its mildest form to a total burnout or a nervous breakdown in its most extreme form. Our risk increases as we lose sight of ourselves, our Purpose, our Values and our Mission. We would be allowing life to manage us rather than our taking control, thus, reordering our life and our mental beliefs around those things that we can effectively manage.

The lament of modern society is that too many of us falsely believe that we must run harder and faster just to keep up. The proverbial treadmill is the greatest threat to our sense of Self as it takes us away from what is really most important to us. The mind has been scientifically proven to be capable of processing only so much information at any one point in time. There is a limit to our consciousness, and when we push that limit we are effectively shutting down our brains with an overload of psychic garbage. Our goal should be to filter this psychobabble out, before it gets a foothold in our minds. We must always recognize it for what it is: useless, non-urgent, non-productive data that crowds out the meaningful information that will bring more satisfaction to our lives.

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OVERCOMING LIFE’S UNFAIRNESS

Who said life has to be fair, kind and nice to us? Life can be difficult, and the sooner we recognize and accept this fact, the easier our life will become. In fact, just acknowledging this statement somehow makes life’s burdens easier for us to bear. As humans we crave perfection of ourselves, of others and of the world in which we live. We wish not to see death, famine or disease. We even wish that we would never run out of gas, get fat or have our children talk back to us. But this is not the way life works. The entire universe is very much out of our control. Living with these constant imperfections frustrates us. However, once we accept the premise that life is difficult, that life’s events are not always going to be in our control, then we can relax, learn to accept instead of resist and get on with the creative, intelligent management of our lives. To overcome the burden of having to constantly deal with the unfairness of life, we must first, accept this unfairness and second, rationalize how we are going to deal with it. We cannot let life’s unfairness defeat us. Rather, we need to conquer these unfair situations by designing our own set of responses to them. Life’s events may largely be out of our control, but we do have control over ourselves.

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WHAT IS THE VALUE OF MY LIFE?

When we think about the value of our life, we should think about all of our Values, both quantitatively and qualitatively. If we have any Values at all (and few of us would admit that we don’t), then we can measure the meaningfulness of our life by our specific expression of these Values. It would be ludicrous for us to claim that our life has no value and also claim to have certain wants and aspirations. If we desire anything at all, then our life has value.

The problem with those who feel that life has no value is their failure to realize what is really important to them. When we focus on what we do have, cherish or expect in life, we will immediately begin to recognize the value these things bring to our life. If we wallow in self-pity about our meaningless life, we are actually saying that we are too blind or stubborn to see what is right in front of us.

Thus, our inability to see the value of our life is due to our incorrectly focusing on what we don’t have rather than focusing on what we do have. Assuredly, problems will occur in our life that distracts us from what is most important. Events like a serious illness, a broken relationship or financial troubles will tend to command our attention and focus our thoughts in the negative areas of our life. But while these events may require a definite measure of our attention, they certainly don’t mean that the rest of our life went down the drain with them.

We have no right to say that our life has no value simply because we are getting a divorce, losing our job or even getting a terminal illness. While something of value may have been painfully lost, we must still focus on those redeeming Values that we do have.  We must recognize the full perspective of a valuable life, not concentrating only on the negative at the expense of the positive. Regardless of our setbacks, our life has tremendous value . . . as long as we accept and stay focused on the Values that belong to us and still cherish.

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BALANCING IT ALL

Our problem is in how we see the problem. We tend to compartmentalize ourselves into separate lives. We have our work life, our family life, our financial life, our social life, etc. We try to take one hat off and put another hat on as the day progresses. This segmentation of our lives into different boxes of activity creates tremendous pressure on us to shift our roles continuously. We become much like that old Ed Sullivan act where the harried performer is balancing multiple plates on long poles. As each begins to fall, he has to run frantically back and forth to keep all of them spinning at the same time.

Doing too many separate things at once keeps us in constant agitation and turmoil.  We do a poor job in each role because we are trying to do all the roles at the same time, with each role requiring a different and often conflicting allotment of ourselves and of our time. The solution is to perceive the entire landscape, as a single body of choice, not little bites of activity all occurring at the same time. We need to act as if all of our roles are one and the same, that we are only spinning one large plate at the top of one pole. Gandhi once observed, One man cannot do right in one department of life whilst he is occupied in doing wrong in any other department. Life is one indivisible whole.

This is the essence of balanced Purpose. Instead of thinking either/or, we must think of one and the same. As we view and interact with multiple and competing events, we should not treat them as being distinct and separate parts, but rather as a single part woven into the whole of our lives. An ancient Sufi teacher once said, You think because you understand one you must understand two, because one and one makes two. But you must also understand and. This holistic concept means we cannot see the individual parts of a picture without first seeing the whole picture.

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TAKING CONTROL

How can we do it all? The burden of modern civilization is that we are bombarded with choices, over laden with expectations, confounded by change and stymied by time. Alvin Toffler’s Future Shock has arrived and given us Imminent Shock. We are now faced with a world that is coming at us with blinding speed. We will often find it difficult to keep the balance within ourselves when our external world seems so chaotic and perpetually out-of-balance. But therein rests the secret: Keeping the balance within ourselves while everything around us appears to be out of control.

By focusing within, we gain clarity of Purpose. As turbulent as the outside world appears on the surface, we have the capacity to internally remain calm and balanced. Our Purpose, assisted by our Values, become our gyroscope and steadies us even as our landscape is continually moving.  By remaining attentive to what is most important to us, we can sort through the clutter in our lives and focus only upon that which really matters.

Many things will compete for our attention, but only the key priorities that are congruent with our Purpose and our Values need to be our concern, i.e. only those things that are important need to be managed and controlled. By recognizing this, we can set our own pace. And we can then control ourselves rather than allowing our external world to be in control of us.

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WELCOMING CHANGE

Our personal growth is the process of transforming with change. As we receive Wake Up Calls at several points in our lives, we will see that our challenge will be to convert to new ways of thinking. Having a strong Purpose to propel us forward will smooth the bumps and ease the pain of the process.

So why do we dread these awakenings? Is it because we prefer our comfort zone, the life that conforms to our existing habits and allows us to take the path of least resistance? No doubt, it is difficult to let go of what we are comfortable with, but it is this process of letting go that allows us to experience and enjoy new parts of ourselves.

Without letting go, we remain in the rut. It is said that the only difference between a rut and a grave is the dimensions. And if we do not look above the edges of the rut, we will only see the walls of the grave that imprison us.

Therefore, managing change is the act of transforming by choice. This requires active decision making on our part, where we’re always seeking new solutions to our life. But if we welcome change the solutions will quickly follow.

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RUNNING ON EMPTY

Do you feel you are running through life like Forrest Gump? Simply running without knowing why you are running or to where you are running?  And running in a rat race that never seems to have a finish line?  Feeling like you are running on empty most of the day?

There is a simple reason for that: You are more preoccupied with doing life than living life. You are consumed with the Busyness of life rather than the Purpose of it. Maybe today would be a good time to stop focusing on Human Doing and instead focus on Human Being.