RATIONAL THINKING

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HOW CAN I STOP GETTING SO UPSET?

Why do I get so easily upset about everything?

It’s a question that feels personal, almost confessional—yet it touches something universal. At some point, we all notice how quickly our mood can shift, how a small inconvenience can spark a disproportionate reaction, or how a passing comment can linger far longer than it should. And when that happens, we often assume the world is the problem.

But what if it isn’t?

Centuries ago, René Descartes offered a deceptively simple insight: “I think, therefore I am.” With just five words, he placed thought at the very center of human existence. Much later, James Allen deepened that idea: “As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” Together, they reveal something both empowering and unsettling—our inner world doesn’t just reflect our lives; it shapes them.

If that’s true, then an obvious question arises: if our thoughts hold such power, why don’t we simply choose better ones? Why don’t we “flip the switch” and decide to be calm, content, and happy?

The answer is both simple and difficult: we don’t fully believe it’s that simple.

We tend to distrust solutions that feel too easy. We assume happiness must be earned through struggle, or that peace requires circumstances to align perfectly. So instead of exercising control over our thoughts, we surrender to them—especially the negative ones. Doubt creeps in. Fear follows. And before long, we’re reacting to life rather than shaping it.

At the heart of this lies a powerful truth: our capacity for happiness is rooted in our expectations of it.

There’s an old saying: “The person who believes they can is probably right—and so is the person who believes they can’t.” This isn’t just clever wordplay; it’s a reflection of how perception defines reality. When we label a situation as “bad,” our minds go to work proving that judgment correct. We notice every flaw, every inconvenience, every frustration. The experience becomes exactly what we expected it to be.

But when we approach the same situation with a sense of control—even if that control exists only in how we respond—something shifts. The event may not change, but our experience of it does. Calm replaces chaos. Clarity replaces confusion.

In this sense, happiness and control are closely intertwined. Not control over the world—that’s often beyond us—but control over how we interpret and respond to it.

The philosopher John Stuart Mill understood this well when he wrote that meaningful improvement in human life requires a transformation in our modes of thought. In other words, lasting change doesn’t begin “out there”—it begins within.

An event, by itself, carries no emotional weight. It is neutral. It is our interpretation—our immediate, often unconscious reaction—that assigns meaning to it. That meaning then fuels our emotions: anger, anxiety, resentment, or, alternatively, acceptance, resilience, and even peace.

This doesn’t mean we can control everything that happens to us. We can’t. Life will always present moments of uncertainty, disappointment, and challenge. But we can control the lens through which we view those moments—and that makes all the difference.

Stress, at its core, is not just about what happens to us. It’s about our resistance to what happens. It arises when we refuse to adapt, when we cling to how things should be rather than accepting how they are. The tension we feel is often the gap between expectation and reality.

And here’s the paradox: the very thing we resist—adjusting our perspective—is the key to overcoming the problem.

We don’t lack the ability to manage our reactions. What we often lack is the trust that we can.

Yet the evidence is there, quietly present in every moment we choose patience over anger, understanding over judgment, or calm over chaos. Each time we do, we prove to ourselves that our thoughts are not fixed—they are tools. And like any tool, they can be used skillfully or carelessly.

So the next time you find yourself getting upset “too easily,” pause and ask a different question—not “What’s wrong with the world?” but “What am I telling myself about this moment?”

Because in that answer lies your power.

And perhaps, your peace.

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HOW CAN I AVOID DIFFICULTIES?

When was the last time you felt truly in command of your life—like the world was moving with you instead of against you? A day when obstacles didn’t intimidate you, but simply lined up, waiting to be handled. A day when your actions felt deliberate, your direction clear, and your purpose undeniable.

Chances are, that kind of day feels distant—or maybe even imaginary.

If we’re honest, most of us aren’t living in that space of clarity and control. Instead, life often feels like a constant balancing act—juggling responsibilities, reacting to surprises, and trying to stay afloat amid a flood of demands. Some days go smoothly, sure. But many leave us scrambling, wondering why so much feels out of our hands.

And yet, this isn’t a flaw in how we’re living—it’s the nature of life itself.

Life doesn’t pause. It doesn’t ask permission. It doesn’t wait until we’re ready.

One moment, you forget your umbrella and get caught in the rain. The next, something bigger hits: a job loss, a diagnosis, a relationship unraveling. But just as unpredictably, life can lift you up—a promotion, a new child, an unexpected windfall. Good or bad, life arrives unannounced, often overwhelming, and always demanding a response.

Some of what happens to us is beyond our control. Some of it, if we’re honest, we create ourselves. But all of it requires us to respond.

And that’s where things begin to unravel.

When we resist what happens, we create turmoil. When we’re unprepared, we feel confusion. When events don’t fit into our beliefs or values, we lose our sense of balance. Deep down, we crave a different reality—one without uncertainty, without pain, without difficult choices. We want guarantees: stability, security, happiness.

But that’s the dream—not the deal.

The tension we feel—the thing we call stress—comes from this gap between what is and what we wish would be. At its core, stress is simply the demand to adapt. And when we don’t adapt, we amplify the chaos. One unresolved challenge leads to another and before long we’re caught in a cycle that feels impossible to escape.

What makes this even harder is that life today is more complex than ever. Imagine our ancestors facing danger: a predator appears, and the choice is immediate—fight or run. Simple. Urgent. Clear.

Now compare that to modern life.

Today, our decisions rarely come with such clarity. Instead of two options, we face dozens—each layered with consequences. Leave a toxic relationship? Stay and try to fix it? What about the children, finances, reputation, promises made? Face an illness? Now you’re weighing treatments, insurance, career impact, family responsibilities.

There is no simple “fight or flight” anymore. There’s only navigation through uncertainty.

And yet, there is a way to regain a sense of control—not by eliminating life’s chaos, but by changing how we meet it.

Every life is filled with stress, from the trivial to the life-altering. But when you know who you are—when your values are clear and your purpose is defined—those stressors begin to lose their power. They don’t disappear, but they become manageable. Understandable. Even meaningful.

Clarity is the anchor.

When you have a strong sense of self, a grounded belief system, and a clear direction, life’s challenges stop feeling like random attacks. Instead, they become situations to navigate—problems to solve with intention.

Control doesn’t come from controlling everything. It comes from taking responsibility for how you respond.

And that’s the shift.

When you commit to purposeful action—when you choose to respond instead of react you begin to reclaim your power. Over time, with practice and persistence, something remarkable happens: the chaos doesn’t disappear, but you stop being ruled by it.

You become steady in the storm.

And maybe that “perfect day” you’ve been searching for isn’t a day without problems—but a day where, no matter what happens, you know you can handle it.

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WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT?


Have you found it yet?

If the answer is no, stop trying so hard to figure it out. Don’t overthink it. Don’t analyze it to death. Passion rarely appears through logic or careful planning. It doesn’t arrive as the conclusion of a spreadsheet or a pros-and-cons list.

Passion reveals itself through your heart.

It’s that unmistakable moment when you become completely absorbed in something you love. Time disappears. Your mind quiets. Your spirit feels alive. In those moments, you’re not trying to impress anyone or meet expectations—you’re simply being yourself.

Your passion shows up when you feel most aligned with who you truly are. It’s when your heart sparks with excitement and your inner voice whispers, Yes… this feels right.

If you haven’t felt that spark in a while, it may be because you’ve stopped listening to yourself.

Over time, the voices around us grow louder—family expectations, career pressures, social norms, the endless opinions of others. Without realizing it, we begin responding to what the world tells us we should want rather than what we genuinely feel.

When that happens, our emotions get muted. Our instincts grow quiet. And slowly, we can lose touch with the things that once brought us joy.

Eventually, some people even forget what they’re passionate about.

If that sounds familiar, it’s not a failure—it’s simply a signal. A reminder that it’s time to reconnect with yourself.

Life isn’t meant to feel like a repetitive loop of dull routines and quiet resignation. It’s meant to be experienced with energy, curiosity, and moments that make your heart race with excitement.

Finding your passion doesn’t require inventing something new. Often, it’s about remembering.

Think back to the moments when you felt fully alive. When you were completely absorbed in what you were doing. When joy came naturally and effortlessly.

You might have to revisit your childhood to find those memories. What fascinated you then? What could you spend hours doing without getting bored?

Or perhaps the answer lies in something more recent—a hobby that made you lose track of time, a book that stirred your imagination, a song that moved you, a conversation that left you inspired.

Your passion might have surfaced during a challenge that pushed your limits. Or when you helped someone who truly needed you. Maybe it appeared through creativity, physical activity, deep reflection, or simply watching a beautiful sunset and feeling a quiet sense of wonder.

The clues are already there.

If you listen closely to your heart, you will recognize the moments that once ignited your spirit. And the beautiful truth is this: those passions are not gone.

They’re simply waiting for your attention again.

You have every right to bring them back into your life—whenever you choose, and as often as you desire.

Because a meaningful life isn’t defined by routine or obligation.
It’s defined by the moments that make you feel deeply, vibrantly alive.

So give yourself permission to follow those sparks again.

That’s what living fully is all about.

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IS THERE HOPE FOR OUR FUTURE?

AN ALARMING PREDICTION

Human society appears to be moving down a dangerous path—and doing so with unsettling speed. As a global community, we are gradually losing something essential: a shared sense of purpose. When individuals live without purpose, the collective loses its direction as well. The consequences are not isolated; they are shared by all of us.

This raises a troubling question: Are we approaching a turning point in human history? If our post-industrial, hyper-connected world continues to value commercial success and personal gratification above compassion, generosity, and meaningful purpose, we may ultimately face the outcome we are unconsciously choosing. A civilization that forgets why it exists risks losing the very right to continue. It is a difficult thought—perhaps even an uncomfortable one—but the signs of this possibility are increasingly visible around us.

We now live in a culture often driven by greed, immediacy, and weakening values. The moral awareness that once guided communities—our belief in something larger than ourselves—has faded in many places. We work longer and harder than ever, yet often find ourselves with little more than growing debt and possessions that lose their value almost as soon as we acquire them.

We educate our children, yet worry about their declining ability to reason deeply or engage with ideas. The front porches where neighbors once gathered to talk have disappeared from our lives; instead, we retreat indoors to interact with glowing screens and electronic distractions.

We damage the natural world in pursuit of profit and then express shock when the consequences arrive—when fisheries collapse, coastlines erode, and once-quiet parks overflow with crowds. We celebrate technology almost like a new religion, only to discover that the machines we created are replacing the very jobs we depend on.

Scientific knowledge about ourselves has grown dramatically, yet many of our cities continue to decay from within. Instead of reading, creating, or exploring ideas, we increasingly consume endless streams of entertainment. Video games and devices often occupy our children more than conversations do, and we later wonder why meaningful communication seems so difficult. We invest more resources in prisons than in universities, and then struggle to understand why crime persists.

In many ways, we have become a society of contradictions—a culture full of paradoxes. Despite remarkable advances in technology, medicine, science, and government, our deepest problems remain unresolved. We still search for peace, fulfillment, and happiness, yet these goals seem as distant as ever.

The reason may be simpler than we want to admit. Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten how to love deeply, to give freely, to share generously, and to live for causes greater than our own comfort. Purpose has shrunk to the boundaries of personal satisfaction. Sacrifice for something higher—community, humanity, or future generations—has become rare.

And the greatest victims of this shift may be our children. The world they inherit could be far different from the one we hoped to leave them. In pursuing the convenience and gratification of today, we risk squandering the values and purpose that once sustained our culture.

Time is not unlimited. But neither is hope lost.

There is still time to change our direction—if we choose to rediscover purpose, responsibility, and our commitment to something greater than ourselves.

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THE HIGHER LIFE – 25 PRINCIPLES

Live Higher 11x14 jpgLife mastery is not difficult once we believe in its possibility and also desire to achieve it. Following are my top 25 principles for living a higher life and I hope you find them to be a helpful guide:

  1. Worry Less – Laugh More

  2. Sit Less – Move More

  3. Analyze Less – Feel More

  4. Text Less – Talk More

  5. Work Less – Volunteer More

  6. Complicate Less – Simplify More

  7. Rest Less – Sleep More

  8. Conceal Less – Discover More

  9. Discriminate Less – Understand More

  10. Complain Less – Appreciate More

  11. Consume Less – Give More

  12. Waste Less – Save More

  13. Think Less – Act More

  14. Abuse Less – Support More

  15. Eat Less – Taste More

  16. Critique Less – Love More

  17. Follow Less – Lead More

  18. Amuse Less – Learn More

  19. Blame Less – Value More

  20. Control Less – Flow More

  21. Doubt Less -Trust More

  22. Hesitate Less – Risk More

  23. Watch Less – Read More

  24. Resist Less – Accept More

  25. Plead Less – Pray More

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HAVING NO REGRETS

I think most of us can recall FDR’s famous quote “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” But his less well known quote is “The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.”

This resonates with me because coaching new retirees always involves hearing about their “doubts of today.” And sadly, these fears and uncertainties will often lead to their “regrets of tomorrow.” If, however,  they could overcome their present doubts they would likely find their future lives to be much more fulfilled.

Most of us would agree that at the end of our life we’d like to go back and re-do a few things that could have been changed – maybe spend less time at the office to make more time for ourselves and our families, taken our studies more seriously, made better career choices, etc.

And while these are important considerations, these are not the main reflections of those at the end of their lives. According to palliative expert Bonnie Ware, the top five regrets of the dying are:

1. I wish I’d lived a life true to myself,  not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

And I’d like to add that Nadine Stair on her 84th birthday said, “I wish I had waded in more mud puddles”.

Living with no regrets places the responsibility upon us, not just to decide what we want out of life but to then go and live it. Since we have a finite timetable for life, why not decide today what risks we are willing to take and then begin the process of taking them. Why not reframe our current fears and self-doubts into a more positive and optimistic outlook for the future.

So will we answer this question for ourselves, or will we let others answer it for us? Will we act out of fear or out of courage? If we decide to go for it, what will It be? What do we want the rest of our life to look and feel like?

Now would be a good time to answer these questions.  The choice is ours . . . to be able to look back one day at our life without any regrets at all!

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CREATING A NEW REALITY

Expressions-11All of life transformation and self-renewal is embodied in the process of relieving the tension between the reality we have now and the reality we aspire to. For instance, if we are overweight, we feel the tension between our current self-image and a projected self-image. If we are not happy in our job or career, our anxiety tells us that something needs to be done about it. If we are feeling tired and physically unfit, we sense the need to exercise, sleep more and improve our diet.

In virtually every aspect of our lives, there is a perceived gap between where we are and where we want to be. This gap is a void we must fill to make life more significant and meaningful. If we let the gap widen, we feel more tension and frustration. By not attempting to close the gap, we are passively allowing life to happen to us. But by taking action to bridge the realities of what we have versus what we want, we are taking charge and making life happen.

This process of closing the gap brings our behavior in alignment with our purpose and our values. By knowing what we are here for and what is most important to us we gain clarity of our current reality. We can see exactly what is missing, what expectations are not being met, and we will become compelled to take action and redraft our future reality. We can then literally make our life what we want it to be!

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ATTAINING INNER PEACE

Hugging the CoastOur objective should not be to eliminate all unhappiness but rather to balance it with increased opportunity for joy. Buddha may have reminded us, A hundred loves, a hundred losses. No loves, no losses, but are we prepared to abandon the potential for love because we fear the potential for loss?

Would there be any value in giving up our rights to search for a single sliver of happiness because we must first dig through a mountain of sadness to locate it? For that matter, would we not search for truth because it is hidden among deceit? Or would we not seek honor because we feel that it is surrounded by contempt? Or not seek courage because it is covered with cowardice? Or not seek morality because it is shrouded within an immoral society?

Happiness is ours to discover despite the deterrents that stand in our way; it is our human right to be elated despite a world that flagrantly flaunts its despairing side. Our purpose, therefore, is to strive toward a sense of internal peace within ourselves.

This does not mean that we will live in perfect contentment but rather we will be contented with ourselves. The difference is that the former implies an unrealistic, stress free state of consciousness while the latter implies that we are in conscious control of our state of gratification.

We will feel it is possible to rise above the vagaries of unhappiness that may surround us. We will resist the feeling of being dragged into a maelstrom of discontentment because we will see ourselves as the calm center of the storm. And our joy will abound through our sense of calm purpose being recognized and lived through our daily actions.  Inner peace then becomes our right and our choice.

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KEEP IT SIMPLE

No Cares jpgFor some baffling reason, we have gotten caught up in an insatiable need for more stuff – from clothes, cars, houses, electronic gadgets, toys, furniture and fixtures to new hairdos, pedicures and tummy tucks. We want to possess everything imaginable and never seem to be content anymore with the basics. According to comedian George Carlin, we even need to own stuff to put our stuff into. We like to take our stuff with us wherever we go, and when we get there we have to buy more stuff so we can take it home to be with other stuff!

Our fascination with stuff, however, is not the problem. It is the lifestyle that we must pursue to acquire, maintain and manage our stuff.  All of this stuff is the antithesis to a sane, balanced and purposeful life. While we tend to believe that our happiness emanates from our possessions it is, in fact, these same possessions that become the bane and curse to a joyful and meaningful life. According to Elaine St. James, Wise men and women in every major culture throughout history have found that the secret to happiness is not in getting more but in wanting less. Only when we make it our purpose to not make stuff the measure of our contentment, will we truly understand how simply beautiful (and beautifully simple) life can be lived.

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BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Purpose Image 1We need to trust and believe in ourselves. As our actions are dictated by our thoughts, we must diligently and relentlessly pursue a positive, can-do attitude. If we find ourselves accepting anything less, we are holding nobody back but ourselves. To sustain positive self-beliefs, we should only use affirmative, action statements in describing ourselves: I AM ENERGETIC! I AM POWERFUL! I AM A GENIUS! I AM SUCCESSFUL! I AM UNSTOPPABLE!  We should never let negative verbiage enter our self-vocabulary when we can just as easily use more assertive words to define who we are. It is a waste of time for us to not believe in ourselves. If we are not going for more in life, then we will always be going for less. For us to get what we want from life, we must first want it; then we must go for it. In fact, we should never say that we want something and not go for it.

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MANAGING A WORRY

When we choose not to take action against events that create stress in our life, we will have adopted a self-belief of powerlessness. This inaction on our part leads to anxiety, a mental state of worrying about an event, even to the point that we no longer know what we are worrying about. This worrying or feeling anxious literally shuts down our sense of control and responsibility over the perceived event. When this occurs, we really have only one solution: We must turn the worry into a problem! Once we have reframed the worry into a problem, then we have something tangible to deal with.

By re-identifying our worry as a rational and specific problem, we can literally launch an attack against it. This modifies our original self-belief of powerlessness to one of control and responsibility. Thus, we will fix the source of our worry through developing a proactive plan of action. We will feel in control again, most likely eliminating or diminishing the worry  to manageable proportions. At the very least, we will have turned our negative psychic energy into a purposeful attitude of control, which, in turn, bolsters our commitment and inner strength to overcome the problem.

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LISTEN ONLY TO YOURSELF

Realizing our true potential involves self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-guidance. As we gain greater awareness of ourselves and take positive, purposeful action we begin to validate our potential. This validation of our potential creates a success-reality for us that in turn will carry us toward higher achievements. The key is to convince our Selves of this possibility. Our failure to do this is usually because we are not convinced enough. We simply don’t believe that we can do it! Essentially, we fail to produce positive results due to the self-sabotage taking place in our sub-conscious minds. There are powerful mind-triggers that hold us back just as their equally powerful mind-triggers that tell us to go for it! We listen to our negative sub-consciousness because of imbedded commands that have been programmed into us, i.e. little voices that we have heard for many years from parents, teachers, spouses, bosses and even our best friends. We don’t receive nearly as much positive reinforcement from others as we get reasons why it can’t be done: We are told that we need more experience! We have never done it before! We don’t have enough education! We can’t afford it! We have to take care of this or that problem first! We should be content with who we are! We need to take care of other responsibilities! For some bizarre reason, people just don’t like to encourage us to succeed. But the far greater problem is that we tend to listen to them. And believe them!  If we listen only to our Self  we will eventually begin to believe what we are hearing.

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SELF-ACTUALIZATION

If we take life’s events at face value, assume that they are our destiny and agonize over their presence, then we will have succumbed to a future that we no longer control. If, however, we adopt the attitude that life’s events are merely occurrences, that they deserve no more importance than what we ascribe to them, then we can become the master and life becomes our servant. Thus, self-realization is not just the identification of our most inner needs and expectations but rather their reflection in the way we feel about ourselves and in how we choose to approach life. Essentially, our Self becomes actualized through our thoughts, our self-beliefs and our actions, all of which are based upon a passionate Purpose-driven attitude.

We must recognize that we are not simply a Self, some amorphous thing that sits on a shelf in a dark corner of the room, complete in its own essence. Our Self is a living, breathing, learning, acting, doing, thinking human being. Our Self moves through life, facing continuous stimulation that requires continuous responses. It survives and prospers by coming out of the dark, out of its basic shell, and then charging into the brightness of each day, participating with great Purpose and Vision. The choice we must make is whether to let our Self turn into a Shawish-type tired, selfish clod with grievances that the world is not making us happy, or a Self  that passionately realizes what it is, what it wants and what it is going to do. Taking the higher road ultimately leads us to our Higher Self, where we never have to regret the choices that we made – because they were the choices we meant to make.

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THE WINNING ATTITUDE

Discovering our true Self comes not only from answering the hard questions about who we think we are, but rather by molding the self-image of who we want to be. Self-imagining is a powerful tool for determining our feelings about success and what we want our lives to actually look and feel like. It is well documented that if we hold ourselves in low esteem, this self-concept will generally lead to a series of life-long failures, whereas an attitude of supreme self-confidence and self-worth will generally lead to greater life success and happiness. Whether we choose to feel inferior or superior is a matter of personal choice.

This is not to imply that we can just flip a few switches and then radiate supreme confidence, but we can with practiced effort over time develop a mental picture of ourselves as achieving, purposeful individuals. As we carry a higher sense of self-confidence around with us and act as if we are unstoppable, we will find that our string of small victories will build upon themselves, creating even more momentum for success. When Dwight Eisenhower was asked how he would feel if his invasion forces had been turned back in Normandy, he said, I don’t know. I never let that thought enter my mind. We, as well, can develop mental pictures of ourselves as always winning, gaining, enjoying, succeeding, and those powerful suggestions will more often than not produce those exact results.

Conversely, we can take a self-defeated attitude. That self-suggestion will lead to failure, in itself, as that is exactly what we will have imagined for ourselves. Again, the choice is ours: We can either feel that we have a strong Purpose and a passionate life force within us, or we can feel that we are merely victims and our lives serve little meaning or Purpose. Either set of feelings will determine the results we are seeking.

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REMOVE YOUR PSYCHO-BABBLE

We can easily recall those many instances where we felt an overload in our lives. We felt helpless trying to manage all of our self-created obligations as well as those that were imposed on us by outside forces. Over time, we became exhausted and our psychic energy was depleted. Left unattended, we will eventually experience anxiety in its mildest form to a total burnout or a nervous breakdown in its most extreme form. Our risk increases as we lose sight of ourselves, our Purpose, our Values and our Mission. We would be allowing life to manage us rather than our taking control, thus, reordering our life and our mental beliefs around those things that we can effectively manage.

The lament of modern society is that too many of us falsely believe that we must run harder and faster just to keep up. The proverbial treadmill is the greatest threat to our sense of Self as it takes us away from what is really most important to us. The mind has been scientifically proven to be capable of processing only so much information at any one point in time. There is a limit to our consciousness, and when we push that limit we are effectively shutting down our brains with an overload of psychic garbage. Our goal should be to filter this psychobabble out, before it gets a foothold in our minds. We must always recognize it for what it is: useless, non-urgent, non-productive data that crowds out the meaningful information that will bring more satisfaction to our lives.

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OVERCOMING LIFE’S UNFAIRNESS

Who said life has to be fair, kind and nice to us? Life can be difficult, and the sooner we recognize and accept this fact, the easier our life will become. In fact, just acknowledging this statement somehow makes life’s burdens easier for us to bear. As humans we crave perfection of ourselves, of others and of the world in which we live. We wish not to see death, famine or disease. We even wish that we would never run out of gas, get fat or have our children talk back to us. But this is not the way life works. The entire universe is very much out of our control. Living with these constant imperfections frustrates us. However, once we accept the premise that life is difficult, that life’s events are not always going to be in our control, then we can relax, learn to accept instead of resist and get on with the creative, intelligent management of our lives. To overcome the burden of having to constantly deal with the unfairness of life, we must first, accept this unfairness and second, rationalize how we are going to deal with it. We cannot let life’s unfairness defeat us. Rather, we need to conquer these unfair situations by designing our own set of responses to them. Life’s events may largely be out of our control, but we do have control over ourselves.

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WHAT IS THE VALUE OF MY LIFE?

When we think about the value of our life, we should think about all of our Values, both quantitatively and qualitatively. If we have any Values at all (and few of us would admit that we don’t), then we can measure the meaningfulness of our life by our specific expression of these Values. It would be ludicrous for us to claim that our life has no value and also claim to have certain wants and aspirations. If we desire anything at all, then our life has value.

The problem with those who feel that life has no value is their failure to realize what is really important to them. When we focus on what we do have, cherish or expect in life, we will immediately begin to recognize the value these things bring to our life. If we wallow in self-pity about our meaningless life, we are actually saying that we are too blind or stubborn to see what is right in front of us.

Thus, our inability to see the value of our life is due to our incorrectly focusing on what we don’t have rather than focusing on what we do have. Assuredly, problems will occur in our life that distracts us from what is most important. Events like a serious illness, a broken relationship or financial troubles will tend to command our attention and focus our thoughts in the negative areas of our life. But while these events may require a definite measure of our attention, they certainly don’t mean that the rest of our life went down the drain with them.

We have no right to say that our life has no value simply because we are getting a divorce, losing our job or even getting a terminal illness. While something of value may have been painfully lost, we must still focus on those redeeming Values that we do have.  We must recognize the full perspective of a valuable life, not concentrating only on the negative at the expense of the positive. Regardless of our setbacks, our life has tremendous value . . . as long as we accept and stay focused on the Values that belong to us and still cherish.

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BALANCING IT ALL

Our problem is in how we see the problem. We tend to compartmentalize ourselves into separate lives. We have our work life, our family life, our financial life, our social life, etc. We try to take one hat off and put another hat on as the day progresses. This segmentation of our lives into different boxes of activity creates tremendous pressure on us to shift our roles continuously. We become much like that old Ed Sullivan act where the harried performer is balancing multiple plates on long poles. As each begins to fall, he has to run frantically back and forth to keep all of them spinning at the same time.

Doing too many separate things at once keeps us in constant agitation and turmoil.  We do a poor job in each role because we are trying to do all the roles at the same time, with each role requiring a different and often conflicting allotment of ourselves and of our time. The solution is to perceive the entire landscape, as a single body of choice, not little bites of activity all occurring at the same time. We need to act as if all of our roles are one and the same, that we are only spinning one large plate at the top of one pole. Gandhi once observed, One man cannot do right in one department of life whilst he is occupied in doing wrong in any other department. Life is one indivisible whole.

This is the essence of balanced Purpose. Instead of thinking either/or, we must think of one and the same. As we view and interact with multiple and competing events, we should not treat them as being distinct and separate parts, but rather as a single part woven into the whole of our lives. An ancient Sufi teacher once said, You think because you understand one you must understand two, because one and one makes two. But you must also understand and. This holistic concept means we cannot see the individual parts of a picture without first seeing the whole picture.

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TAKING CONTROL

How can we do it all? The burden of modern civilization is that we are bombarded with choices, over laden with expectations, confounded by change and stymied by time. Alvin Toffler’s Future Shock has arrived and given us Imminent Shock. We are now faced with a world that is coming at us with blinding speed. We will often find it difficult to keep the balance within ourselves when our external world seems so chaotic and perpetually out-of-balance. But therein rests the secret: Keeping the balance within ourselves while everything around us appears to be out of control.

By focusing within, we gain clarity of Purpose. As turbulent as the outside world appears on the surface, we have the capacity to internally remain calm and balanced. Our Purpose, assisted by our Values, become our gyroscope and steadies us even as our landscape is continually moving.  By remaining attentive to what is most important to us, we can sort through the clutter in our lives and focus only upon that which really matters.

Many things will compete for our attention, but only the key priorities that are congruent with our Purpose and our Values need to be our concern, i.e. only those things that are important need to be managed and controlled. By recognizing this, we can set our own pace. And we can then control ourselves rather than allowing our external world to be in control of us.

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WELCOMING CHANGE

Our personal growth is the process of transforming with change. As we receive Wake Up Calls at several points in our lives, we will see that our challenge will be to convert to new ways of thinking. Having a strong Purpose to propel us forward will smooth the bumps and ease the pain of the process.

So why do we dread these awakenings? Is it because we prefer our comfort zone, the life that conforms to our existing habits and allows us to take the path of least resistance? No doubt, it is difficult to let go of what we are comfortable with, but it is this process of letting go that allows us to experience and enjoy new parts of ourselves.

Without letting go, we remain in the rut. It is said that the only difference between a rut and a grave is the dimensions. And if we do not look above the edges of the rut, we will only see the walls of the grave that imprison us.

Therefore, managing change is the act of transforming by choice. This requires active decision making on our part, where we’re always seeking new solutions to our life. But if we welcome change the solutions will quickly follow.

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WHAT IS THE SIMPLE LIFE?

A simple life is where we are simply living! It is nothing more and nothing less. When we are in touch with just the simple process of living, relishing in the uncomplicated pleasures that are abundantly available to us, we will find the inner peace that we are seeking.

A simple life focuses on what we do have rather than being critical of what we don’t have. It finds less joy in material possessions and greater joy in natural wonders, hearty laughter, warm embraces, stimulating conversations and long walks in the woods. It values ideas over things, peaceful meditation over argumentative debates, reading over television, quiet solitude over pushy crowds and lasting trends over temporary fads.

The simple life favors giving more than receiving. It is to live humbly with pride, rather than ostentatiously without virtue. A simple life knows what is most important, content with the quiet conviction of lasting principals.

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TOO MUCH STUFF

Chill OutOur fascination with stuff is not the problem. It is the lifestyle that we must pursue to acquire, maintain and manage our stuff.  All of this stuff is the antithesis to a sane, balanced and purposeful life. While we tend to believe that our happiness emanates from our possessions it is, in fact, these same possessions that become the bane and curse to a joyful and meaningful life.

According to Elaine St. James, Wise men and women in every major culture throughout history have found that the secret to happiness is not in getting more but in wanting less.

Only when we make it our Purpose to not make stuff the measure of our contentment, will we truly understand how simply beautiful (and beautifully simple) life can be lived.

Thinking and living simply is not a character flaw, a weakness of drive and ambition; rather, it is vigorous, inspiring, courageous and reflective of our conviction of Purpose. Life and happiness is not made from stuff; it is a state of mind, made from the interwoven fabric of purposeful attitudes and the belief that life, in itself and by itself, is sufficient and plentiful. Our most meaningful rewards in life will always be the simplest ones.

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TOUGH QUESTIONS

From time to time, we should hit the pause button in our lives, look deep within and answer these tough questions:

Have I ever relied upon my Purpose as the basis for anything that I have done in life?

Have I ever put my Purpose to work in planning the life I will lead?

If asked to state my unique Purpose in life, could I respond with anything more than a blank and perplexed stare?

Can I recall when I last made an informed choice or decision based on the knowledge of my specific Purpose?  

Do I know for what Purpose I will choose to do anything different in the future than what I have done in the past?